Yeah. It’s been forever since my last post. Frankly, I don’t think anybody cares. No one really wants to read my rants and randomness. Unless you find wisdom hidden beneath those words, well… feel free to read on.
I’ve decided to write again. More like blog again because i’ve been writing, and writing, and writing… but I can’t seem to finish anything. Maybe that’s because I write about my current emotional/mental status, which, as metereologist would so fondly compare to, is like the weather. It changes so quickly that even I cannot tell whether I am annoyed or happy or something else. I tell you, It’s infuriating.
Here goes mental block again. I don’t know what to write anymore. Before I started typing, I had so many things in mind– things that I had to get out of my system. Else, I might just spontaneously combust. But wouldn’t that be cool? I’ve heard that statement many times already but I haven’t really seen or heard about a person spontaneously combusting. I would love to be the first one.
See? I told you–random.
Anyway, back to spontaneous combustion. I had to get things out of my system but I really don’t feel like talking to people. I like the computer screen better. Anti-social much? Not really. It doesn’t talk. It wouldn’t blame me for doing something idiotic and it really wouldn’t mind if I go moping around for no concrete reason at all. The down-side? Just basically everything that I mentioned.
I had my living, breathing, responsive computer screen once but things didn’t work out. I guess it just slipped away. Either I was too withdrawn or it was. But I doubt it was the latter. It was my choice. It was me who shied away. Opportunity really does have its costs. I chose to let go. And I’m paying dearly for that choice right now.
If i think about it right now, there’s this one thing that totally bugs me. Opportunity really does have its costs. But what opportunity was I grabbing when I let go? An opportunity of not falling off -more like jumping into- the cliff and stitching myself back into pieces after doing so? Maybe. But now I’m not so sure of what hurts more. I’d rather bear pain than endure numbness. At least I am feeling something.
Am I willing to do something? After all, I am running out of time, and this time, it’s slipping out faster. I’m not really sure.
For now, I’m sticking to my computer screen.
We’ve learned to run from
Anything uncomfortable
We’ve tied our pain below and no one ever has to know
That inside we’re broken
I try to patch things up again
To calm my tears and kill these fears
But have I told you, have I?
